Shine Your Light
by ashleydee
Summary: this is in Bosco's Pov. R rated for mention of suicide. takes place after he's released from the hospital, read it, i'm not good at summaries.


**Shine Your Light**  
  
_The cry of the city like a siren's song  
Wailing over the rooftops the whole night long  
Saw a shooting star like a diamond in the sky  
Must be someone's soul passing by..._  
  
I take a long drag of my cigarette as I stare at the star filled sky, only to me, it looks empty. Everyone below me sees the bright dots in the sky, but I don't. A fire truck flies by on the street below me, it's sirens wailing. It's followed by three police squads and an ambulance. Before, every time I would hear those sirens, my heart would jump, and I would get excited. I don't get like that anymore.  
  
_These are the streets  
Where we used to run where your Papa's from  
These are the days  
Where you become what you become  
These are the streets  
Where the story's told  
The truth unfolds  
Darkness settles in_  
  
I don't really do anything anymore. Nothing drives me, nothing excites me, nothing makes my heart race...I blow some more smoke out of my mouth and squint my eyes as the cool air hits my face. I can still hear the sirens, screaming into the night sky. I clench my hands into fists, knowing I'll never be able to get back in one of those squad cars, chase down bad guys, kick some jag-off's ass. I'm nothing now. That was my life, and now, because of some stupid ass jag-offs and they're mission to kill me, and hurt everyone around me, my life is over. Sure, I survived surgery, months and months of physical therapy, proved to the doctors that I could still walk and talk, but my _life_ was taken from me the day they told me I couldn't go back to work.  
  
_Shine your light down on me  
Lift me up so i can see  
Shine your light when you're gone  
Give me the strength  
To carry on, carry on_  
  
I would do anything to go back and fix everything I ever did to hurt somebody. Most of the pain I feel, isn't the actual physical pain of the four bullet holes in my body, its the pain knowing that I've done so many bad things, and I can't go back and fix them. I can't do anything to fix any problems now. I'm pissed off, pissed off because I worked so hard to show people that I wasn't weak, that I wasn't useless, and now, all my hard work has been thrown out the window.  
  
_Don't wanna be a hero  
Just an everyday man  
Trying to do the job the very best he can  
But now it's like living on borrowed time  
Out on the rim, over the line  
Always tempting fate like a game of chance  
Never wanna stick around to the very last dance  
Sometimes I stumble and take a hard fall  
Loose(?) hold your grip off the wall  
_  
  
I find myself inside my apartment now. The cold air had driven me back into my dark home. I hate the dark, but I can't stand having my lights on anymore. Nothing's what it used to be. I'm in my bathroom, staring at my scarred face in the mirror. The white scar slides down my cheek bone and falls down my neck, to just about my collar bone. It isn't as noticeable to most people, but I know its still there, a long with all my other scars. My wrists itch, and I know what I'm going to end up doing. They always itch when I see the scars. I slowly pull my sleeves of my grey shirt up, exposing my scarred wrists. Everything is scarred. I open my medicine cabinet and stare at the contents. My hands shake as I reach for the razor blade that had stains of my blood on it.  
  
_I thought I saw him walking by the side of the road  
Maybe trying to find his way home  
  
He's here but not here  
He's gone but not gone  
Just hope he knows if I get lost_  
  
I hear another siren and I look out my bathroom window, and see a police squad pulling over a car. I watch them as they ask for the person's I.D, and I remember when that use to be me. I remember how no matter how bad things got, I kept fighting. I was always trying so hard to prove to everyone that I was something, but I think I was actually trying to prove to myself that I didn't have to be like my family, and hide behind a bottle, or drugs when things got tough. I looked down at the razor in my hands, and my wrists, then I looked out the window as the police officer arrests the man, probably for drunk driving, and I feel something in the pit of my stomach. What the hell am I doing? Since when do I just give up, and take the easy way out? I chuck the razor into my garbage bin and quickly walk into my living room, flipping on all the lights I can. I pick up my physical therapists card and I read the number carefully. I picked up the phone and dialed her number. I wasn't going to let a few bullets stop me from doing what I love to do. It was time to get back into things, and get back my life.  
  
_Shine your light down on me  
Lift me up so I can see  
Shine your light when you're gone  
Give me the strength to carry on  
Carry on_


End file.
